Am I Facing a Divorce?

2007-02-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

In the path of life, sometimes things don't go as planned. After all, how many newlyweds actually plan on getting a divorce? Not many, I would think. Regardless of how happy you were as a couple in the early stages of your marriage we sometimes forget that not only does life itself affect and stress the marriage, but it also affects each person in different ways. At some point in many marriages, couples ask, "Why did we ever get married." All of a sudden, what was once a happy marriage is full of compatibility issues that can push the relationship over the edge and into divorce.

Having suffered through my own divorce, I can relate to many of the issues and fears that are associated with not only the divorce process, but the emotions of the divorce, the financial impact, and the events that can lead you into divorce court. I will save that for another day, but here now, I would like to talk about some of the warning signs that can be an indication that your marriage may be heading for the rocky shores of divorce.

If you look back on the beginning of your relationship and marriage, I'm sure you can see that times were hopefully much happier. If you can't even do that, then you're marriage is already in trouble. As a couple, you communicated well, did most everything together, were happy renting DVDs and sitting on the couch together, etc. Affection was shared and not held back. The physical side of your relationship or marriage was strong and healthy. You had respect for each other and any problems you had with each other, you would talk about them and work them out as a couple.

Fast forward to now. Most likely you will find some of the following issues that can be warning signs that all is not right with your marriage.

Communication is stagnant or weak
As a couple you hardly do anything together anymore
There is hardly any affection displayed on a regular basis
The physical side of the relationship is almost non-existent
You argue over small issues that once didn't bother you
You or your spouse has been hiding money from the other
One or both of you drink too much or use drugs to excess
Sleeping on the couch while the other sleeps in bed
No longer showing interest in each others activities
Spending more time than usual away from home
Leaving the room to take a phone call often

I could go on and on, but you should be getting the idea by now. Are any of the above something that you would do all the time when you were newlyweds? Do you now feel your spouse is withdrawing from you? Have you made honest attempts to communicate and try to rekindle your relationship, but just feel you were pushed away or ignored? If so, I'm sure your senses are on the alert and examining many details of your spouses' activities. If your not married yet, but in a relationship and you can relate the above to your current relationship, it may be time to evaluate your partner before its too late. After all, a divorce can be very expensive and affect you financially for many years after the divorce is final. For instance you may have to pay child support and/or alimony.

Are there things you can do to prevent divorce? Sure, but there are no guarantees in life or marriage. What you need to ask yourself is do you want to try and save the marriage or do you feel that you would be happier otherwise. Remember, a marriage cannot be saved unless each person is willing to participate. You can do anything in the world to try and save your marriage, but if your spouse is no longer receptive to you or your efforts, then you're most likely wasting your time. You may as well start getting your life in order and prepare for what could be a future divorce. Doing so, will allow you to plan your divorce and take an active approach in it, instead of leaving it up to a lawyer to handle. Never leave your divorce up to your lawyer. Be active and treat it as a business transaction.

I'm not saying you should just go out and get a divorce because things aren't right in your marriage. Only you can be the judge of that. However, maybe it's time that you do some soul searching and determine what's best for you and your family in the long run. Divorce does hurt everyone, not just you. It will affect each member of your family in different ways.

Divorce Advice

Am I Facing a Divorce?